Travel is awesome. Traveling with friends is even more awesome… sometimes. Friends can either augment the epicness of an adventure, or they can ruin it, making you wish you’d gone alone.
I’ve done numerous trips ranging from a few days to over a month with friends, and I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at it. Which is a polite way of saying, I’ve had a few… less than epic adventures.
So here’s a list of dos and don’ts to make a trip with friends as easy and argument-free as possible.
1. What does everyone want?
This is by FAR the most important thing, and important to discuss before any further planning. Just because you all want to go to Greece doesn’t mean you all want the same thing out of it. Sure you might say “oh the beaches” and “ooo, ruins” but if you’re thinking 90% beaches and 10% ruins, and they’re thinking the opposite, there’s going to be conflict.
This happened to me. Some friends and I spent all this time planning our trip to the Netherlands and France, and once we got there, all they wanted to do was party until 5AM, sleep until 3PM, and repeat. I wanted to see the country we were in.
Just because you want different things (and of course you will) doesn’t mean you should cancel.
2. How does everyone travel?
I love hostels and am perfectly content walking and taking public transport. I’ve travelled with a few people that can’t imagine not having a rental car, 50 lbs of luggage, and a lush hotel. To each their own. Like #1, best to figure this out ahead of time.
3. Not every activity needs to be a group activity
I’ve made this mistake before. Just because you’re traveling together, doesn’t mean you need to do everything together. In fact, the best groups I’ve travelled with often did do things separately. Not every day of course, but every few days. It made for lively conversation at dinner.
4. If you can be flexible, do
As with any relationship, there are going to have to be compromises. The problem when traveling with friends is that the mechanism for compromise isn’t as ingrained as it is with a spouse (presumably). Also, somebody is going to be a little more of a finicky eater, a little more squeamish about accommodations, a little more worried about money.
So, if you can compromise, do. Stand ground when you need to, but going with the flow will make everything go smoother. This is probably the single biggest change for me that made my travels with friends better. It’s also a lot easier for me to be this way since I travel all the time and if I miss something I can just go back.
However…
5. Don’t be TOO laid back
This is the counterpoint to #4. Sometimes my friends would get frustrated because I wouldn’t make a decision, not understanding that I really was OK with whatever. So, make it known that if you’re needed to make a decision, you’re happy to do so.
6. Everyone will need some personal time
This one was recommended by my friend Tahynara. We’ve travelled together several times… so I’m hoping this isn’t a not-so-subtle hint. Regardless, it’s good advice. Everyone needs some “me” time, especially introverts traveling in a group. It’s not being anti-social, it’s just some quiet time to recharge the social batteries. For example, with Tahynara and I, she’d wind down at the end of the day watching shows on her laptop, while I’d listen to music and work.
7. Don’t focus on pennies
Money is the cause of more arguments among friends than probably anything else. If you let yourself fixate on a few dollars here and there, it’s going to ruin your trip, and if it blows up into something, risks the enjoyment of everyone’s trip. Unless someone is obviously and knowingly skimming or cheating, just let it slide.
8. Figure out how to split meals before you go
It’s probably best to establish what the money plan is ahead of time. Chances are someone makes less than everyone else and is not looking forward to splitting a $400 meal 6 ways when all they had was pasta.
Discussing it ahead of time also gives an embarrassed person the chance to talk about it separately from the group.
Regardless, approach this topic with caution. I’ve screwed this up a few times, unknowingly.
9. Don’t make ANY decisions when hungry or stressed
This is probably the most important rule. It always amazes me how few people realize that everyone gets SUPER cranky when they’re hungry. It’s called “hangry”, and it can lead to arguments. How do married couples not notice this?
Add the stress of transit to the mix (getting to an airport, missing a train, etc.) and together these are bad times to have a serious conversation. Remember #4? Again here. Let the cranky be cranky. Get them food. THEN figure out what the issue is.
10. As in all things, communication is key
A group dynamic is a fickle, delicate thing. Don’t let things fester. Don’t let things build up. I’ve seen this happen and it’s toxic. For example, a mistake on a check or any number of things can seem like an issue. A calm but awkward discussion is ALWAYS better than a fiery argument.
Trust me on that one.
© Geoffrey Morrison. All Rights Reserved.