We all have one of those friends. The one who seems to thrive on drama and is always involved in one crisis or another. It may even seem like when everything is going well they go out of their way to either find or create some kind of crisis that requires everyone else to stop and pay attention. After a while, it can become exhausting.

Have you ever wondered if there is some underlying reason that drama seems to follow some people? It can’t be fate or coincidence – can it? No, it’s not.

The Psychology of a Drama King or Queen

The truth is there is a portion of this behavior that has a biological basis. Some people are just wired for more extreme emotions. They are naturally more exuberant or feel more deeply affected by difficult circumstances than others. But that’s not the only factor. A tendency for strong emotions or not, the drama queen (or king) is also likely influenced by the life experiences they have had as they’ve grown.

For instance, children who experience neglect or who have a parent with mental health issues can be more likely to engage in attention-seeking behavior. It’s understandable to a degree – children crave the love and attention of their parents. When that’s not given, there are consequences to that child’s developing personality and coping mechanisms. They may act out, have tantrums, or create problems at school. As these children grow, the attention-seeking behavior can begin to manifest as drama-filled situations and constant crises.

Many times these individuals, often unknowingly, are also trying to live in a state of distraction. When the drama dies down and things are calm there is more time to think. This can mean facing things in their lives they want to avoid and will keep underlying issues at bay for good. Eventually, they will need to deal with whatever problems they may have or have had. The anxiety that arises from these issues will typically produce a chaotic response that provides the needed relief.

Constant Drama Mean Long-Term Problems

The strange thing is that friend who is always surrounded by drama or dealing with a crisis is also often very charismatic. These people tend to be extroverts and others can be drawn to them, especially those who suffer from self-esteem and self-confidence issues. The drama queen can influence the opinion of others by over-blowing situations and riling people up. At times this can be on the behalf of those who may not naturally stand-up for themselves. The consequences to this can vary – sometimes the results are positive and other times negative. Eventually, however, the constant engagement in over-blown, dramatic behavior will lead to problems.

People who seem to thrive in constant drama often have trouble maintaining long-term relationships. As time goes on, no amount of charisma can offset the frustration and exhaustion created by the drama queen’s hectic and stressful behavior. In fact, many people who are drawn into this behavior can find their own anxiety levels rise to unmanageable levels.

In addition, the highs and lows of drama ups and downs can have serious health effects on a person who lives in this state. The stress these fluctuations create in your body can produce excess adrenaline and cortisol that affect the functioning of other systems within the body. Add to that high blood pressure, sleep, and eating disturbances and you have a recipe for a cascade of potential health problems.

There is another issue those who are prone to drama-seeking behavior often face – depression. As those around them lose interest and patience for their behavior, or as they are forced to face the underlying issues they have tried to ignore, the drama queen becomes very susceptible to depression.

Depression is a serious affliction. It’s much more than just feeling sad, or pouting because you’re not getting the attention you want. Untreated depression can cause many additional problems in daily life, careers, and relationships. The most serious risk is the possibility of suicidal ideation or behavior. Chaos making can also be a sign of depression as well as a way to hide it.

So, if your friend’s drama and constant crises are starting to wear on your nerves, take some time to consider what may be inspiring their behavior. It could be that they are actually in need of some help with more than the latest drama.

© Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC. All Rights Reserved.