Feeling a sense of loss when your children leave home is natural – it’s a big change! But when that feeling lingers and disrupts your daily life, it may be a case of empty next syndrome that might require some action. This transitional period of life can be challenging, but with strategies, you can turn it into a time of personal growth and self-discovery.
What are the symptoms of empty nest syndrome?
It’s natural to miss your kids and worry about them – it’s a sign of the love and care you’ve poured into them all these years. If these feelings seem familiar, know that they’re normal and it’s not just you. If you’re wondering whether you’re experiencing empty nest syndrome, or something else, there are some key signs to look out for.
A sense of redundancy: You might feel like your day-to-day purpose has shifted. With no more school runs, lunches to pack, or mountains of laundry to fold, you could be feeling a bit obsolete in your child’s life now that they’re on their own.
Persistent sadness and depression: The house can feel too quiet, and you may miss the noise and chaos that used to fill it. This can lead to a lingering sadness or a sense that something’s missing.
Worry and anxiety: It’s natural to worry about your child’s wellbeing. However, if these concerns keep you up at night or make you feel anxious, it could be a sign of empty nest syndrome.
Restlessness: You might find yourself pacing around the house or jumping from one unfinished activity to another. This restlessness is a common reaction to the sudden quiet and extra time on your hands.
How to prepare for empty nest syndrome (aka pre-empty nest syndrome)
It can be beneficial to anticipate life changes before they happen, if possible, especially anticipating an empty nest. Getting ready for the day your kids leave home isn’t just about helping them pack – it’s also about preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for the change.
1. Focus on self-care: Start treating yourself as well as you’ve always treated your kids. That could mean finally signing up for that yoga class you’ve been eyeing, or picking up the guitar that’s been gathering dust in the corner. Self-care is about making sure you’re feeling good in yourself, not just looking after everyone else.
2. Rediscover old passions: Think back to the time before you had kids and the activities you used to enjoy. Maybe it’s time to get back to painting, writing, or whatever hobby used to light you up. It’s not just about filling time, but it’s about filling your life with things that make you happy.
3. Build your support network: Just because your kids aren’t around as much doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Lean on friends, join new groups, or chat with other parents going through the same thing. These connections can foster community and connection and keep the empty nest emotions at bay.
4. Plan for the future: With more free time on the horizon, why not think about what’s next? This could be the perfect opportunity to take up new studies, volunteer, or even change careers. Your future can be just as exciting as your child’s.
4 Possible Phases of Empty Nest Syndrome
Parents typically go through several stages when they become empty nesters. Knowing what to expect can help you handle each phase so you can navigate through the stages of empty nest syndrome with grace and resilience. This isn’t the end of your life. It’s the beginning of a new and exciting journey.
- Denial About Your Child Moving Out
In the beginning, you might not want to believe that your child is moving out of your home. Try to acknowledge and accept your emotions without judgement – it’s okay to feel this way.
- Anger and Sadness About Your Life Changing
You might begin to feel feelings of anger and sadness. Give yourself permission to grieve. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss. Give yourself the space and time you need to mourn the end of one life chapter before you move on to the next.
If you’re feeling angry or frustrated, you can also talk about it. Reach out to friends, find a support group, or even a counsellor. Sharing your experiences can help you work through tough emotions.
- Acceptance of Your New Reality
After a while, you may feel more accepting of your current situation and embrace the natural flow of life. It can be important to seek joy in the day-to-day and find happiness in the small moments.
- A Renewed Perspective
Finally, you can have a shift in perspective and fully embrace the change. Your child moved out, is living their life, and that’s exactly what you raised them to do. This can be a fresh start. Get excited about new possibilities and make plans for things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet.
© Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA. All Rights Reserved.