Strong emotions are inevitable in a busy, stressful work world. And it can be difficult to control emotions – especially in tense situations at work.

Maybe you’ve been so frustrated with a colleague that you exploded with anger. Or perhaps you cried after getting feedback. If you’re anything like the high-achievers I coach, then you may wrangle with fear of not measuring up to the expectations you have of yourself.

Complex feelings like disappointment, panic, or even shame are natural, but that doesn’t make them any less difficult to deal with. Without the right strategies for regulating your emotions, it’s easy to overreact.

However, many well-known strategies are unrealistic or impossible to do during the workday. Few people can go for a run or write in a journal during a heated meeting, for example.

Cool Down

When you experience an emotion, your body gears up to fight or flee. Your sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive. Your heart rate speeds up and your internal temperature rises. It’s why your palms perspire when you’re nervous or your cheeks get flushed when you’re embarrassed.

To push back the rising tide of emotion, you have to quell your internal, physiological response. One easy way to do this is to lower your body temperature. Grasp onto a cold glass, melt an ice cube in your mouth, take off a layer of clothing, or move closer to the air conditioner. Better yet, take a time out and head to the bathroom so you can splash water on your face.

Scientifically speaking, this activates the mammalian diving reflex and kicks on your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation.  

Ground Yourself

When overwhelming emotions strike, it’s tempting to lose yourself in a wild train of thought. You might recall every past instance of failure or worry about future outcomes. When this happens, you can use grounding techniques to reorient back to reality and keep yourself firmly rooted in the present.

Simple grounding techniques you can use in the moment to control emotions include:

• Clenching and releasing your fist
• Digging your heels into the floor
• Relaxing your hips into the corners of your chair
• Concentrate on the eye color of the person you’re speaking to

Pay attention to concrete, observable sensations and objects around you. This channels your attention toward what’s true and what you can control versus the chatter running through your head.

Breathe Like A Navy SEAL

Navy SEALs know a thing or two about managing emotions under pressure. They use a particular form of regulated breathing to stay alert, focused, and calm. Box breathing, or four-square breathing, is a practice you can use discreetly at your desk or even in the middle of tense conversations.

Here’s how it works:

• Breathe in for four seconds.
• Hold air in your lungs for four seconds.
• Exhale for four seconds.
• Hold your breath, lungs emptied, for four seconds.

Buy Yourself Time Before You Respond

You’ve probably experienced regret after spewing words you didn’t mean. You want to avoid losing control in the future, but how? I tell my clients to buy time for themselves by asking questions.

Start by empathizing and validating the other person’s view, then pose a question to get more information.

For example, you might say “Great question. What’s your sense of situation?" or “What I’m hearing is that you’re unhappy with the results. What else is factoring into your response?”

Fighting your emotions doesn’t work. It will only leave you frustrated and unhappy. Instead, embrace your feelings and manage them appropriately using these simple strategies.

© Melody Wilding. All Rights Reserved.